[Velvet Vanity's Blog]
When all is said and done...theres no love lost!!PA...LEEZE!
2007-03-02
I do so love you, more than anyone could imagine, my life is ALL about you. I dont even get time for my needs, I'm so busy lookin out for your needs along with the kids needs also. 1/2 the time I cant even get to the rest of the shit. You plan my day before I even know about it. Always a list of things for me to do, so I cant do anything else. So you'll have an idea of what I'm doing while you away. I dont want you to PLAN my life for me, I want you to LIVE my life with me. You cannot mistreat my adulthood, without loosing me. Gice me humanity or I will just take it.
BELIEVE me when discussing serious issues, because I believe you! I've never played head games or erjected your excuse, true or not! I dont put you down or call you names and run a guilt trip on you, and especially I NEVER say things I dont mean, or say things that will hurt your feelings, just to break you down emotionally. All these you control...own...and use on me from day to day. If I'm not the one degrading my being or saying things I dont mean, then why dont you believe me when I say Nothing Happened? I'm not the known champion of head games and lost self control. I know the truth, you heard the truth, now believe the truth. I've never given you any reason to believe that I have ever wanted anyone but you, I want us to last forever. But if you cant trust, then I cant trust either, which I have done so very well with you. GIVE MY EXPLINATIONS A CHANCE to be told, considered, debated, and then.....juged. You come on to me already judging w/out the 2 sides being clear, and basing your judgement only on the one thing you want to believe---that I am a slut. OK. Fine. Whatever. Just like I'm the one who makes you violent, an I'm the onemaking up your mind......what you decide, is YOUR decision, based on your own thoughts. So, since your to busy playing god to realize that your not god, I cannot see a way to repairwhat we thought we had. If you cannot believe me, then my lies wont be any different than my truth is.I think you need to take a look at yourself and imagine you walk the earth like the rest of us. Mabey uou wont lose the things you think you care for. WHAT I SAY, IS WHAT I LIVE. You know that I am a serious person, rarely do I wander into telling someone something I dont mean. I never know what to do, cause all it is, is a trap. Set by you, thinking you'll break me down that way, well, what happens if theres nothing to break down? I guess all thats left to break is my self worth. I'm sure you wont have a problem, hell you probably have a plan for that too! I just wish I could be human, an adult being.
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